I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
