It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
