I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
