i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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