Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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