Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
