He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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