Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
