i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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