i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
