wakey wakey hands off snakey
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
