Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think I have vodka in my lungs
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
