i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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