I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
