omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
