Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
