Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
