I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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