just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize