And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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