No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Damn victory sex feels great
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
