never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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