A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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