You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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