I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
