ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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