The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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