the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
