Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
