we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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