VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
