She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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