Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
