I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
