1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
this is an emotional support booty call
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
