I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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