I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
