Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
