im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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