census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
