If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
