standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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