dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
