I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
