my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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