i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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