I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
