I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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