it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My penis needs a shock collar
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
