The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize