Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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