i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize