it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
