how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
