he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry my hands just texted you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
