My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
