i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
