I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
