That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
