her vagine was all disorganized.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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