Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Come on in and take your pants off
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