24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
