whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
