I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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