I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
