It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
