Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
