how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
